Location: Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh, India

The permanent temptation of life is to confuse dreams with reality. The permanent defeat of life is when dreams are surrendered to reality.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007


The reflection of the sunlight that caressed the gentle undulating waters of the backwaters and the almost still palm trees that served as a lush green backdrop, evoked in me a desire to capture it on a canvas with firm broad strokes of dark grey and murky green and all other hues that fall in between. Closing my eyes, I set to erase and recapture impressions that appeared and dissolved, merging psychedelic colours with hazy imagination. There was a sense of uneasy languidness in the air.

A deep and healthy dose of nicotine brought me back to the sounds of passing vehicles behind me in the distance and it also dawned on me that there was hardly any breeze. The sun was really bright and warm on my face. Flicking the cigarette away, I got up to stretch my legs and walked on the sunburned grass wondering of all the place, why did it have to be this place. Even as I wondered I knew it was me who suggested the place and also that this place was indeed a special place.

It was a beautiful warm day. The cool breeze kept the heat away. We looked across at the palm tree swaying across the water and listened to the sounds of the water slapping against the stony embankment that I was lying down on, with my head on her lap, still savouring the sweetness of her kiss, the warmth of her lips and awakening of a distant primal instinct. I chose this place as it was kind of isolated from the prying eyes of the world and all I wanted was to be alone with her. It had taken less than a minute of an adventurous, surreptitious and extremely serendipitous encounter within the confines of a dark kitchenette, touching distance away from a hundred others, to light the spark of desire. Thereafter feelings struggled to lay dormant. A taste of the forbidden...and desire subsumed us. Today, here besides the gentle lapping of the backwaters, a new journey was beginning and it promised me everything and more.

She was supposed to be here half an hour ago. I lit another cigarette, as I wondered what was keeping her. Today she would be coming. She had no choice as I had none either. With nothing else to do, I looked around to see where I had left my bag and to check if I had taken the two books I had wanted her to read. The bag contained the two books and a matchbox. I looked at the books and wondered if she would like it, or if she would even accept it. I smiled at the realization that though she drew the line at the putrid Harlequin series or M&B's, she still dug Nicholas Sparks, Robert James Waller, MLTR and the Bee Gees. Now I don’t want to sound like I hate them, it’s just that I was never into mush. I liked it yes, but only if it were happening in my life. I was a helpless romantic in my life and I realized it only after she came into my life and opened the doors to a world that showed me ecstatic joy and inexorable pain. Love was not just another emotion, it was the only emotion.

"Today I am taking a leave, so that we can go and celebrate anyway you want to" I told her as we walked towards the bus stop.

There was a squeal of surprise, before she took my hand in hers and looked up to me and said "Thank you so very much".

I saw in her eyes something that I will never forget. So much happiness is a crime, I remember telling her.

"I just want to take as much as I can here and now...I really don’t know about tomorrow. All I know is I am so very happy now." She said, her fingers twirling into mine.

I snapped out of the reverie, just as well...because I sensed rather than saw her come behind me. I turned, looked at her and smiled as I held out my hand. She took my hand and propped herself couple of feet away from me. We didn’t talk anything for a few minutes. In a short while we would be doing all the talking for a lifetime...but until then we just looked at each other and around us, oblivious to the fact that afternoon sun was as warm as it ever was this summer and the air was dry and humid.

My heart was racing as I reached for another cigarette and lit it, allowing the match stick to burn itself out before I flicked it away. She looked sad and vulnerable and there was a hint of moisture in her liquid eyes, but I was probably imagining things. I just looked at her and wished I was somewhere else now, anywhere except here. She looked away for a couple of seconds and then turned to look at me again. There were small beads of sweat just above her upper lips and a stray hair had somehow managed to perch itself on her cute slightly upturned nose. She lifted a well manicured hand to reach out for my hand, and for a moment I hoped, but even as her damp fingers found mine, I knew that this was a new beginning, and I had to find my strength.


Blogger Shivani said...

Another superb piece of writing :)

June 13, 2007 10:57 AM  

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